so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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