I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
