This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
