The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
