Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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