I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
