.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
