our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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