just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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