when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
