I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
