It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
