I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
