That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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