just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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