the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
