jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
worst night to have a conscience
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
