i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
