Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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