I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
