I wish my penis had an off switch
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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