Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
