Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
