I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
