Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
