someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
