Barsexuality is the new black.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
