i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize