the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
