Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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