At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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