so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
