I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
