in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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