it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
