Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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