I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
