So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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