Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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