If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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