Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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