careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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