1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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