I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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