Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
