she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize