You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
