would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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