he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize