I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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