Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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