so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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