i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
