i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
