This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
