It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize