So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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