Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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