how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
