I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
