my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
