my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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