It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
