He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
