awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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