He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
