coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
