Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
