dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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