In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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